Labour 2. The one with the snakes

Once again the sun rose high and merciless on the acrid plain of Tipperlinn. As temperatures hovered around the mark of underworld, amongst the sweaty sun-cream streaked players and umpires, only the wasps seemed to be thriving.

For his second labour, Hercules was tasked with meeting all 7-9 heads * of the Hydra, regenerative powers, poisoned blood and all, and taking it out. We, the Watsonians’ L3s, were challenged with containing the snaking power strikes of the Dunfermline L2s. Armed only with hockey sticks and moralibo** the anticipation was palpable as the team looked to step out from the shadow of the first labour.

The whistle bellowed, the adrenaline creaked into action and it begun: with a pass pass here, and a pass pass there, here a pass, there a pass, everywhere a pass, pas/ GOAL! Deploying the quick and easy confident passing lacking from the previous week the L3s held possession and put the pressure on Dunfermline L2s, and with the true attention to detail famous to someone who has forgotten their contact lenses, there was a goal. The match restarted and the pressure remained with Watsonian’s, and in a similar fashion there was another goal. 2 - 0

The Dunfermline L2s however, regrouped and started their resurgence, testing our press with long power hits that snuck through the gaps and found players on the wings ready for a quick break. However the marshalled cover kept these from our danger zone, and the L3s regrouped, kept up the pressure, and secured a further goal.
Half-time: 3-0

Second half begun, and soon it was evident that the humid climate (and perhaps the fact that it was the beginning of the season) had seeped the strength from our bones; though the will was there, the fast past drive and dash was somewhat patchy. A piercing hit and drive from the Dunfermline back lines, with an incredible cross that snuck in to the very furthest corner of the goal, and the second half challenge was back on. Score 3:1.

And thus began our short corner season: where short corner, after short corner was won, but short corner after short corner was lost as the Dunfermline defence line and Goalie challenged and won. We flirted with success: a deflected shot taken up high (with a collective “ooooh” from watching viewers) and punted in narrowly missing the backboard was disallowed. Not all was lost, as some twisting skills through the population of the D, neat passes round and a well-timed cross, two further 2 goals were scored in quick(ish) succession, securing the victory, and thus ending labour 2.

As ever the important statistics:
Proof level: 22%
Labour supporters/hecklers: 3
Suncream factor: 50+
Successful short corners out of a possible 1,010: 0
Goal Scorers: Louise McKenna, Ruth Willis and Jo Hagan

* witnesses are notoriously unreliable around this point, one source has even gone so far to suggest it was in fact on lizard, with back up siblings, but….
**punitutude credit has been edited to reflect its true origin the British Forces, not as previously fully asserted: Mr. S. Hendry