There’s Juice Loose About This Hoose

Ladies 4s had a late game today with pushback at 4pm, fittingly. Some of the older squad members took this rare opportunity to enjoy a lie-in and an artisan bagel, but enough about me.

4pm was just long enough for a generally mild day to turn wet and blustery. And so it was in Changing Room 3 that we huddled for our pre-match briefing/nervous bowel evacuation. As I say, enough about me.

Captain Catie reminded us that we’d beaten Kelso earlier this season, which engendered some confidence, and then – with the prophetic air we have come to respect so – described our forward line as “typical”.

Remember that. It’s mentioned later.

The game began, with 4s generally on top. There were strong forward runs from Liv aka OJ aka Juice and Julia(s!) and gritty challenges in the middle of the park from (Master) Kate and Jen. Surely a goal was only a matter of time.

Well, yes. But in the wrong chuffing end!

We pushed on, determined to rectify the situation, but a suspiciously good opposition player and some lapses in concentration meant we soon found ourselves 0-2 down. Ugh.

At this point, Jodie - a typical forward - who, typically, runs the bench, instigated some devastatingly effective tactics. On her instruction, Jen woman-to-woman marked the opposition’s best player. The tide started to turn…

Young guns Neve and Heather entered the fray, and, combined with a steely determination from the whole team, we upped our game. A well-worked short saw Rowan pull one back before half time.

In a speech to rival the best of Michelle Obamas - between mouthfuls of wine gums - Captain Catie told us that she’d be delighted and satisfied if we simply continued playing as we had done in the last 10 minutes. It had been wonderful. Anything else was a bonus. A few of us looked away, misty-eyed. But one person was not satisfied.

One person poured a huge, metaphorical, glass of Juice.

The second half was barely underway when Juice spilled into the D with her first goal in far too long. And I’d barely put my gum shield back in before she scored again. And again! And a fourth time! Gloriously assisted by Heather, Michelle, (Master) Kate and 1/3 of Posh Girls. The Juice was loose!

[At this point I must consult my glamorous assistant, Ms Lauren Henderson, who informs me that Juice flowed on 40, 43, 49 and 55 minutes. Many thanks, Lauren. THAT is a typical forward’s display.]

Kelso pulled one back, but we didn’t care. Neve scored a screamer from the edge of the D and we were done. Juiced, if you will. Ha!

We celebrated with some delicious banana bread with chocolate chips, made by Rowan. Nut-free, before you ask! Heavenly.

The whole team had been amazing: young, old, front, back, posh, not. Saskia said it was champagne hockey – the best she’d seen in ages. Oh Saskia, it was Bucks Fizz hockey, my friend! Half champagne… half JUICE.

Thanks to Emily for umpiring.