A Day in the Life of Beachy

Beachy woke up with a lightened load. Feeling smug, his mood soon turned as he remembered the late night call he'd received to play despite his "hideous" injury. Arriving at Myreside, beak first, his mood soured further: the lack of numbers at the meet point was not acceptable. An animated Beachy enjoyed his trip to Dundee. The early start pleased him. It freed up time for his marking later in the day. The other lads in the car were very interested to hear this. "Damn fool", Beachy murmured under his breath as fellow former Watson school boy, Ewan Swann, realised he'd left behind his contact lenses. "I'll make a note of that for DoD later," Beachy thought to himself.

Beachy doesn't like Dundee. The last time he played against Harris, today's opponents, he broke his hand. Revenge was at the forefront of the angry Australians mind. Watsonian's started poorly, perhaps because Beachy started on the bench. The midfield had as firm a grasp on the ball as the SNP has on the economy. Marking was poor: the gap between the defenders and their men was wider than the gap between Luke Campbell's legs. Watson's scored first. This wasn't relevant. The performance wasn't good enough. Harris equalised and a calm head was needed. Beachy subbed himself on. A hero was required. Cometh the hour, cometh the man. Calmness was restored by yelling at Mike McKenna to " shut the ***** up." The lead was restored. The scorer was unimportant, the scoreline was what mattered.

Halftime came and numbers were an issue: three Sonian's players had 16 on their back. This was Beachy's forte: 4 years studying maths at Heriot Watt would not be wasted. His complicated algorithm to solve the issue was not needed though: tape was simpler. The second half was better. The midfielder's finally started passing forward; the defence still didn't mark; the forwards pressed well. The result was 6 goals to Sonian's, 2 to Harris: an 8-3 victory. This was fair in Beachy's mind. His good mood was to be turned again though: democracy conspired against him resulting in DoD. Worse still, Swarbrick got more MoM votes than passes he made in the match.

When asked about his opinion on the game: "MJ played well" said Beachy, through a full mouth, "but I won't play hockey again. I'm too injured."